Hiking Humor: If You See Bigfoot…Give Him Some Jerky

Humor and laughter is a great cure for what ails you. 

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If you see Bigfoot…run!

Once there was a group of hikers traveling through the deep woods in the Pacific Northwest. The group leader gave the hikers a very stern warning: “If, by chance you see Bigfoot, run. But whatever you do, don’t touch Bigfoot!”

That night, after the group had set up camp, one hiker was in his tent, when Bigfoot appeared. The huge creature stood in the doorway of the tent. The hiker was so scared, he ran screaming out of the tent, but on his way, he touched Bigfoot. Bigfoot ran after him. The guy ran as fast as he could through the dark forest, Bigfoot was in hot pursuit.

He made it back to the trailhead, jumped in his car and sped home. A few days later, Bigfoot showed up at his back door. Panicked, the guy starts running as fast as he can, Bigfoot right behind. Finally, exhausted, he trips and falls. Bigfoot catches up to him, plants his huge feet right next him.

Shaking, the guy gets to his feet and shouts, “What do you want?!”

Bigfoot reaches out to him and says, “Tag, you’re it.”

 

Complaints to the U.S. Forest Service
How well do you know your fellow hikers? How smart do you think they are, anyway? These are actual complaints to the Forest Service from trail users.

“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

“Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”

“Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”

“Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”

“All the mile markers are missing this year.”

“Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”

“Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

“Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”

“Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”

“The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
“Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.”

“Need more signs to keep area pristine.”

“A McDonald’s would be nice at the trailhead.”

“Too many rocks in the mountains.”

“The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”

 

“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out going to the mountains is going home; that wilderness is a necessity…” 

― John Muir

 

 

 

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5 responses to “Hiking Humor: If You See Bigfoot…Give Him Some Jerky

  1. The escalators complaint is too funny!

    Someone at a hikers’ social was talking about the funniest questions they’ve heard out on the trail and in the great outdoors in general. One of them talked about pulling off the road for a photo in a popular area on Mount Rainier. Some tourists came over to ask some directions and talk about the best trails and camp sites. I don’t remember all of the story, but it ended with one of the tourists asking “You mean they just let the bears roam free?” (The guy answered “Well, the Park Service tries to get them back in their cages at night, but sometimes they miss one, so be careful!”)

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